Another Year Almost Over

It's December 22 and the year is almost over.  Where does the time go?  If you're not careful, it's gone before you know it and you wake up one morning to realize you spent the last 10 years of your life in some kind of perpetual sleep-walk just moving in and out of each day simply trying to make it to the next.  And for what?  Ah, that's the burning question, isn't it?  To be happy?  To provide for your children?  Your spouse?  Yourself?  So many people forget somewhere along the way what it is that even makes them happy.

Life is hard.  If it were easy, everyone would enjoy it.  I've been married twice.  Both were not the fairy-tale endings I've read about in books and watched in endless movies.  You could say they were movies, alright, but not the kind I had hoped I'd star in.  More like a mix of horror, suspense, and drama with a little bit of comedy sprinkled in.  I joke that the 2nd husband left me because it was karma's way of biting me in the ass for leaving the 1st husband.  It could very well have been but if that's the case I'm way ahead now because she took a chunk out of my ass that was so big, it surely didn't equal the crime at hand.  In any case...I wouldn't change a thing.  Not one.  Not any one bad thing that happened to me along the way.  Each rotten thing made me a little bit stronger and a little more resilient.  A little more sure of who I am and what I want.  And this is a good thing......that I sometimes need to remind myself of.  I am proud that I don't feel I need someone to "complete" me.  I'm already complete.  I'm happy.  I do for myself, I support myself, I take care of myself.  

I wonder, though, about that fairy-tale ending. I scoff at it, really - at love and romance and anything even resembling such.  I let people believe I'm sarcastic and cynical and tough and hard.  Hell, even I thought I was broken for so long I didn't even think about it anymore - I just believe it to be so.  I figured I was so broken, I'd be alone forever.  And I may be alone forever.  And that's okay.  

My mom asked me a question when I was trying to make the most difficult decision of my life - to leave my first marriage.  She asked me what if I never again found anyone.  When I answered her that I'd rather be happy by myself, than live a lie and be miserable with my then-husband, I knew I had made the decision to go.  I've never regretted that decision to this day and it still stands true.  I would much rather be alone and happy, than be with the wrong person.  But I do wonder about that happy ending.  And I have discovered that I am not broken.  And that, is at least good enough for me right now.

The Art of Kissing

Do you kiss well?  No really.  I've been saying that the art of kissing is all but dead for years now.
Kissing is a skill.  It takes practice and it takes know-how but it also, and very importantly, takes time... you don't just plant your lips on someones and you get sparks. Kissing, if done well, can be better than sex. Yes, that's what I said. Better than sex. 

I came across the following and thought I would share it because if I had to explain a good kiss to someone, it would sound very similar.  Read it.  If you're not getting lost in your kiss, you're not doing it right (yes, there are different kisses for different occasions but you know the ones I'm talking about - the ones that make your legs jello and take your breath from you).

Let's not lose this art.  I long for it when I haven't had it for a long time (which is more often than not).  If you've never felt this way during a kiss, for the love of all that is holy - what are you waiting for???  This is one art that is absolutely worth keeping around for a long, long time.

............
"It just has to be with the right person, and feel right for both parties, for it to be fantastic. In my rigorous scientific studies and exhaustive research, I have discovered that being bold, decisive and providing an element of surprise are some of the key elements of a truly great kiss.

This is tricky because you don't want to shock your lover into submission. Or perhaps you do. But if you do, you shouldn' t. A perfect kiss, basically, should be confident and come as a welcome surprise - like finding a fiver in the back of an old pair of jeans.

The perfect kiss should be like dancing a tango in Argentina - you know the steps, but there is no particular order to them. Your moves must complement your partner's. Sometimes the kisser will lead, sometimes the kissee, creating an exciting improvisational mix of form and chaos.

Cheeks will touch, shoulders be caressed, lips will brush, tongues will tease and mouths will mingle. (Obviously, don't try this with a red rose in your teeth.)

You'll know how successful your kiss is if you feel the kissee losing themselves in it. Or if they pass out through pure pleasure.

Once the lips have joined, the perfect kiss should involve tender bites, gentle sucking, the tongues should be entwined and move sensuously against each other. The tempo of movements should vary, too - a little like the percussion section of the Grimsdyke Brass Band: at one moment fast and furious, and the next soft and languid.

A kiss should give you pleasure - but you must never forget you have to give it back."