The Ratz Are Back!!!
Shore Ratz debut at Scott and Allyson Rosen's wedding on 12/2/12
The Shore Ratz are:
Shannon M. Bray - Vocals
Jules Levitt - Guitar & Vocals
Rich Meyer - Bass & Vocals
Scott Rosen - Drums
Thursday, December 6, 2012
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
Facebook -What The Hell Is It For?
What do you use Facebook for? To keep in contact with out of state friends and family? To keep up to date with your college buddies? To spy on an ex-boyfriend? To get all the latest gossip on everyone you know and don't know? To see how many "friends" you can tally on your list? As your main form of communication to those closest to you? Tell me - let me know in the comments section below. I'm curious how people I know use this online social network.
I'm sure you'll be able to relate with a lot of what I'm about to write. I've seen so many insane things go on on Facebook that I've deactivated my account twice. Some of it is downright scary.
I had one "friend" who posted between four and six status updates per day. Every day. Without fail. I wondered what kind of job he had that he was constantly posting on Facebook. He didn't. Okay then. But did I really need to know that he had a hankering for a Coke Zero?
Another didn't post too much but when she did, she was quoting something from the Bible. Always. She never said anything that didn't involve God or the Holy Spirit or her blessings along with some verse from the Good Book. That's nice, but for those of us who don't know what we believe in or don't believe in the Bible or God or the Holy Spirit, this, after a period of time, becomes, well..... ENOUGH.
I know a friend who has someone who posts, every night, what they had for dinner. Or what they are about to have. I know him and he doesn't usually say much, but one of these days, he's just going to snap and post back "NO ONE GIVES A FLYING FART IN THE WIND WHAT YOU'RE EATING FOR DINNER SO SHUT THE F%*# UP ALREADY!!!!!!!!" I can't wait. hehehehe
My cousin has an outstanding view on the whole Facebook posting thing. She said something like "people can post whatever they like - if I don't like it, I don't have to read it." Now I don't know hardly anyone who doesn't get at least slightly annoyed by some of the stuff that people post but that's just me. I envy her for this outlook. I wish I could adopt it. But I can't. It just ain't happenin'. People annoy the shit out of me, especially with some of the moronic crap they post on Facebook. So sue me. I'm sure my Facebook posts piss some people off. So we're even.
I shut down my Facebook profile a while ago because of family drama. Not like there's not enough of it in real life, but let's add our disfunctional family to our FB friends list and see if that can't turn out badly somehow. I didn't realize it was the "non-joking day" of the week and I made a joke and once again, for the umpteenth time, someone's not talking to me (like that's a bad thing). Then, I get an email from someone else in the family about how immature I am and when I ask what they're talking about, I get read the riot act about how I deleted them from my friends list. Uh....hello????? After I let them know I didn't delete them, I closed the whole account. Didn't need it. As my dad is always asking - what happened to picking up the goddamn phone????? God forbid.
Well that was months ago.....I'm back up on Facebook now. I don't have any of my family on my friends list anymore. I won't do it. I learned my lesson there at least. I limit my list to only those I actually communicate with. That means I have less than 60 people on my list. It works for me. Tell me what works for you.
I'm sure you'll be able to relate with a lot of what I'm about to write. I've seen so many insane things go on on Facebook that I've deactivated my account twice. Some of it is downright scary.
I had one "friend" who posted between four and six status updates per day. Every day. Without fail. I wondered what kind of job he had that he was constantly posting on Facebook. He didn't. Okay then. But did I really need to know that he had a hankering for a Coke Zero?
Another didn't post too much but when she did, she was quoting something from the Bible. Always. She never said anything that didn't involve God or the Holy Spirit or her blessings along with some verse from the Good Book. That's nice, but for those of us who don't know what we believe in or don't believe in the Bible or God or the Holy Spirit, this, after a period of time, becomes, well..... ENOUGH.
I know a friend who has someone who posts, every night, what they had for dinner. Or what they are about to have. I know him and he doesn't usually say much, but one of these days, he's just going to snap and post back "NO ONE GIVES A FLYING FART IN THE WIND WHAT YOU'RE EATING FOR DINNER SO SHUT THE F%*# UP ALREADY!!!!!!!!" I can't wait. hehehehe
My cousin has an outstanding view on the whole Facebook posting thing. She said something like "people can post whatever they like - if I don't like it, I don't have to read it." Now I don't know hardly anyone who doesn't get at least slightly annoyed by some of the stuff that people post but that's just me. I envy her for this outlook. I wish I could adopt it. But I can't. It just ain't happenin'. People annoy the shit out of me, especially with some of the moronic crap they post on Facebook. So sue me. I'm sure my Facebook posts piss some people off. So we're even.
I shut down my Facebook profile a while ago because of family drama. Not like there's not enough of it in real life, but let's add our disfunctional family to our FB friends list and see if that can't turn out badly somehow. I didn't realize it was the "non-joking day" of the week and I made a joke and once again, for the umpteenth time, someone's not talking to me (like that's a bad thing). Then, I get an email from someone else in the family about how immature I am and when I ask what they're talking about, I get read the riot act about how I deleted them from my friends list. Uh....hello????? After I let them know I didn't delete them, I closed the whole account. Didn't need it. As my dad is always asking - what happened to picking up the goddamn phone????? God forbid.
Well that was months ago.....I'm back up on Facebook now. I don't have any of my family on my friends list anymore. I won't do it. I learned my lesson there at least. I limit my list to only those I actually communicate with. That means I have less than 60 people on my list. It works for me. Tell me what works for you.
For You.... The Brightest Star
I lit a fire with the love you left behind
And it burned wild and crept up the mountainside
I followed your ashes into outer space
I can't look out the window
I can't look at this place
I can't look at the stars...
They make me wonder where you are
Stars... up on heaven's boulevard
And if I know you at all, I know you've gone too far
So I, I can't look at the stars
All those times we looked up at the sky
Looking out so far, we felt like we could fly
And now I'm all alone in the dark of night
The moon is shining but I can't see the light
And I can't look at the stars...
They make me wonder where you are
Stars... up on heaven's boulevard
And if I know you at all, I know you've gone too far
So I, I can't look at the stars
Stars...
Stars... they make me wonder where you are
Stars... up on heaven's boulevard
And if I know you at all, I know you've gone too far
So I can't look at the stars
And it burned wild and crept up the mountainside
I followed your ashes into outer space
I can't look out the window
I can't look at this place
I can't look at the stars...
They make me wonder where you are
Stars... up on heaven's boulevard
And if I know you at all, I know you've gone too far
So I, I can't look at the stars
All those times we looked up at the sky
Looking out so far, we felt like we could fly
And now I'm all alone in the dark of night
The moon is shining but I can't see the light
And I can't look at the stars...
They make me wonder where you are
Stars... up on heaven's boulevard
And if I know you at all, I know you've gone too far
So I, I can't look at the stars
Stars...
Stars... they make me wonder where you are
Stars... up on heaven's boulevard
And if I know you at all, I know you've gone too far
So I can't look at the stars
Saturday, July 21, 2012
My Old Band, Stiffler's Mom
Ah, the good times!
Recorded in the basement for a demo that was never needed
(because I went and got married and moved to NC -should've stayed with the band!)
-the best band I was ever in-
Stiffler's Mom
Robbie Crozier - Bass & Vocals
Johnny Crozier - Guitar & Vocals
Greg "Sherm" Sherman - Drums
Shannon Maloney - Vocals
You guys were THE BEST!!!
xoxoxoxox
Friday, July 20, 2012
Some of My Photos
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The Frozen Barnegate+202.jpg)
Aruba's Divi Divi
Rock Pilings in Aruba
Aruba's Pirate Ships at Sunset
Monday, May 14, 2012
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Home Is Where The Heart Is
I guess I’m feeling a little melancholy today and didn’t even realize it until now (at half past noon) because a song just came on the radio and it literally made me stop what I was doing and sit there until I started to cry as the lyrics rolled on.
"Promise me you'll always be happy by my side and I promise I'll sing to you when all the music dies." I'm pretty sure that did it.
I’m not sure when it happened but somewhere along the way I lost the hope and faith and eternal optimism I’ve always seemed to not try hard to have (sorry Matty) that I’ll find him (or her). That everything happens for a reason and when the time is right -usually when you’re not looking- you’ll find them. That there is someone for everyone. That someone will love me for exactly who I am. Oh, you know….. all those clichés that I actually believe(d).
My girlfriend says I need to really believe it. That I need to “put it out there” and I’ll “get it back” or something like that (I really was listening, Alisa – you know I just have a hard time retaining). She says it’s all about energy and I can’t have negative energy or it’ll never happen. Well guess what? I’ve got the negative energy... and lots of it! It’s all around me. I can’t rid myself of it because, well, I don’t believe the bullshit anymore, I suppose. Or maybe I’m just going through some kind of shitty phase. I’m think I’m gonna go with that because it’s easier to accept.
But I’m not going to sit here and whine about how I can’t find that special one for me. It’s just so, whiny, you know? Just know that if I were a negative barometer, I’d be at a minus 10 right about now!!
"Promise me you'll always be happy by my side and I promise I'll sing to you when all the music dies." I'm pretty sure that did it.
I’m not sure when it happened but somewhere along the way I lost the hope and faith and eternal optimism I’ve always seemed to not try hard to have (sorry Matty) that I’ll find him (or her). That everything happens for a reason and when the time is right -usually when you’re not looking- you’ll find them. That there is someone for everyone. That someone will love me for exactly who I am. Oh, you know….. all those clichés that I actually believe(d).
My girlfriend says I need to really believe it. That I need to “put it out there” and I’ll “get it back” or something like that (I really was listening, Alisa – you know I just have a hard time retaining). She says it’s all about energy and I can’t have negative energy or it’ll never happen. Well guess what? I’ve got the negative energy... and lots of it! It’s all around me. I can’t rid myself of it because, well, I don’t believe the bullshit anymore, I suppose. Or maybe I’m just going through some kind of shitty phase. I’m think I’m gonna go with that because it’s easier to accept.
But I’m not going to sit here and whine about how I can’t find that special one for me. It’s just so, whiny, you know? Just know that if I were a negative barometer, I’d be at a minus 10 right about now!!
Monday, April 9, 2012
More Followers?
So it's my...... 29th (HA!) birthday and I'm sitting at home in front of my laptop. I am a DAMN good time!
I just read an article that told me I should write a post about becoming a follower of my blog. That said, if you are here and reading this, do you see the widget on the right hand side of your computer screen there? It says Become a Follower or something like that? If you like what you've read so far, you can get automatic updates when I write a new post since you'll most likely never return here without my prompting and while I don't mind reminding you to come back, I'd REALLY like to get past 10 followers. So how 'bout it? You can follow publicly or privately (if you do it publicly, I'll at least know you're following, which would be very cool).
SO...... come on - become a follower. All that will happen is you'll get an email when I write a new post and that's not so bad, is it? If you really like my blog, email it to a friend. After all, I need the practice here to write my book (if I don't drop dead first). Consider it a birthday gift to yours truly. Who knows, maybe I'll mention you in my forward..... ;)
I just read an article that told me I should write a post about becoming a follower of my blog. That said, if you are here and reading this, do you see the widget on the right hand side of your computer screen there? It says Become a Follower or something like that? If you like what you've read so far, you can get automatic updates when I write a new post since you'll most likely never return here without my prompting and while I don't mind reminding you to come back, I'd REALLY like to get past 10 followers. So how 'bout it? You can follow publicly or privately (if you do it publicly, I'll at least know you're following, which would be very cool).
SO...... come on - become a follower. All that will happen is you'll get an email when I write a new post and that's not so bad, is it? If you really like my blog, email it to a friend. After all, I need the practice here to write my book (if I don't drop dead first). Consider it a birthday gift to yours truly. Who knows, maybe I'll mention you in my forward..... ;)
Sunday, April 8, 2012
To My Loving Dog....
To my loving dog who I could not bear the thought of living without,
Please stop feeling the absolute need to lay directly beneath wherever I am sitting in fear that you might miss something because on the very rare occasion that I get up and don't look for you (like earlier today), I will step on you and you will become startled and jump to your feet which will cause my legs to get entangled in all four of your legs and your body, which will ultimately cause me to lose my balance completely and fall to the floor, hitting it's surface very hard because I am not a skinny little bitch anymore. Whichever part of my overweight body hits the floor first will undoubtedly bruise and most likely hurt for the following week. Being completely out of shape and another year older tomorrow, it is no doubt that I will also tweak something in my back and in about 3 hours, that will start to ache as well.
In closing, my dear dog, I love you more than anything in this world, but you really gotta cut that shit out!
-Your human
Please stop feeling the absolute need to lay directly beneath wherever I am sitting in fear that you might miss something because on the very rare occasion that I get up and don't look for you (like earlier today), I will step on you and you will become startled and jump to your feet which will cause my legs to get entangled in all four of your legs and your body, which will ultimately cause me to lose my balance completely and fall to the floor, hitting it's surface very hard because I am not a skinny little bitch anymore. Whichever part of my overweight body hits the floor first will undoubtedly bruise and most likely hurt for the following week. Being completely out of shape and another year older tomorrow, it is no doubt that I will also tweak something in my back and in about 3 hours, that will start to ache as well.
In closing, my dear dog, I love you more than anything in this world, but you really gotta cut that shit out!
-Your human
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
For Cody
For Cody
Gone way too soon
Keep a fire burning in your eye
Pay attention to the open sky
You never know what will be coming down
Pay attention to the open sky
You never know what will be coming down
I don't remember losing track of you
You were always dancing in and out of view
I must've thought you'd always be around
You were always dancing in and out of view
I must've thought you'd always be around
Always keeping things real by playing the clown
Now you're nowhere to be found
Now you're nowhere to be found
I don't know what happens when people die
Can't seem to grasp it as hard as I try
It's like a song I can hear playing right in my ear that I can't sing
I can't help listening
Can't seem to grasp it as hard as I try
It's like a song I can hear playing right in my ear that I can't sing
I can't help listening
I can't help feeling stupid standing 'round
Crying as they ease you down
'Cause I know that you'd rather we were dancing
Crying as they ease you down
'Cause I know that you'd rather we were dancing
Dancing our sorrow away - right on dancing
No matter what fate chooses to play
There's nothing you can do about it anyway
No matter what fate chooses to play
There's nothing you can do about it anyway
Just do the steps that you've been shown
By everyone you've ever known
Until the dance becomes your very own
No matter how close to yours another's steps have grown
In the end there is one dance you'll do alone
Keep a fire for the human race
Let your prayers go drifting into space
You never know what will be coming down
By everyone you've ever known
Until the dance becomes your very own
No matter how close to yours another's steps have grown
In the end there is one dance you'll do alone
Keep a fire for the human race
Let your prayers go drifting into space
You never know what will be coming down
Perhaps a better world is drawing near
And just as easily, it could all disappear
Along with whatever meaning you might have found
And just as easily, it could all disappear
Along with whatever meaning you might have found
Don't let the uncertainty turn you around
The world keeps turning around and around
Go on and make a joyful sound
The world keeps turning around and around
Go on and make a joyful sound
Into a dancer you have grown
From a seed somebody else has thrown
Go on ahead and throw some seeds of your own
And somewhere between the time you arrive and the time you go
May lie a reason you were alive but you'll never know
From a seed somebody else has thrown
Go on ahead and throw some seeds of your own
And somewhere between the time you arrive and the time you go
May lie a reason you were alive but you'll never know
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Another 1st Date
I keep doing it. I'm told I have to forge on.... I have to weed them out. I, myself, say it's process of elimination. Sure, it makes sense, but is it realistic?
I went on yet another first day tonight. My parents laugh when I tell them because they say I have no interest in dating anyone. It could be true. Who knows. Yet, I continue to put myself through it. I keep saying one of these times it will be the right one. Is it just a joke? Is the joke on me? Yes, I'm happy. Yes, I'm content by myself. Yet I'm open to a relationship. But then, when I find the possibility of one, I seem to have no interest. I'd say it's me, but there was John. Ah yes, the infamous John. Thank goodness for him, really, though, because if it wasn't for him, I would SWEAR it was me. But...... he was real. I.....fell for him. Some might say I loved him. Who knows. I don't even know what the fuck love is. But whatever it was, I had it - felt it - for him. So there. I know I'm not broken. Or fucked up. I know I CAN feel and want and, dare I say it..... love.
So I go on yet another 1st date tonight. To sing karaoke. At a place this guy frequents. Great. He knows everyone in the joint, including the owner. Wooohooo. Now if I was a timid, reserved woman, this might be a problem. But I'm none of those things. I'm me. Eventually, he leaves and I'm left there, with the people HE knows because I'm having a good time so why should I go home? He has to get back to his 14 and 15 year old, you know? That's fine. I tell him he can just tell me if he didn't have a good time or whatever the case is - it's all good. I had a good time, blah, blah, blah. Whatever.... I don't have time to try and figure him out. Either tell me what's on your mind or keep it to yourself and deal with it on your own. To be quite honest, there were plenty of things he did that turned me off but you know - whatever.
So I'm having a good time. I sing a song for the birthday girl who is having a party there. Now it's time for me to go. I've had a few drinks and I know if I stay, I'll just get into trouble. This 33 year old walks out with me (mind you, he looks 22 and is cute as a freaking button).... we are talking and talking..... he asks me if I'm going to another bar. I say no. I wonder if he's hitting on me and I'm just too stupid to realize it (because you know, he just got engaged and all). Then, as I'm running to my car in the rain, I tell him "You're too freaking cute!"...... Why did I not stay?????
So I leave and I'm driving home contemplating all of it. What was a 33 year old doing in the parking lot with me? He made several comments that any normal person would construe as hitting on me, except for me..... I'm too dumb. I'm on my way home when I'm thinking what a waste that was. How the person I went there to meet turned out to be most likely a big fat zero but yet I had a 33 year old flirting with me from the second my "date" walked out the door and what did I do? A big fat NOTHING. And then it happens. The meaning of life. What is it? Why am I here? What's the purpose? FOR WHAT? Ugh. Not a good time for all that to kick in.
It was looong ride home. It was rainy and I was crying. I parked my car in the parking lot and put the seat back and sat there for a little bit. Quite frankly, I didn't really give a shit what happened at that point. And that wasn't the first thought like that I had all night. There were several times driving home that I thought it. Not good. Why? The alcohol, surely. I'm alone because I chose to be alone yet do I want to be alone? Yes. Then why do I keep going on these first dates? And what the fuck is my problem? Ah, if I only knew.
My dog is curled up in a ball next to me on the bed. That seems to be the only sure thing in my life right now. Rather.... it's usually the sure thing in my life. My boy. My Harrison. Dog is my co-pilot. Lord give me many more years with the mutt. I don't know how many more 1st dates I can weather without him by my side.
I went on yet another first day tonight. My parents laugh when I tell them because they say I have no interest in dating anyone. It could be true. Who knows. Yet, I continue to put myself through it. I keep saying one of these times it will be the right one. Is it just a joke? Is the joke on me? Yes, I'm happy. Yes, I'm content by myself. Yet I'm open to a relationship. But then, when I find the possibility of one, I seem to have no interest. I'd say it's me, but there was John. Ah yes, the infamous John. Thank goodness for him, really, though, because if it wasn't for him, I would SWEAR it was me. But...... he was real. I.....fell for him. Some might say I loved him. Who knows. I don't even know what the fuck love is. But whatever it was, I had it - felt it - for him. So there. I know I'm not broken. Or fucked up. I know I CAN feel and want and, dare I say it..... love.
So I go on yet another 1st date tonight. To sing karaoke. At a place this guy frequents. Great. He knows everyone in the joint, including the owner. Wooohooo. Now if I was a timid, reserved woman, this might be a problem. But I'm none of those things. I'm me. Eventually, he leaves and I'm left there, with the people HE knows because I'm having a good time so why should I go home? He has to get back to his 14 and 15 year old, you know? That's fine. I tell him he can just tell me if he didn't have a good time or whatever the case is - it's all good. I had a good time, blah, blah, blah. Whatever.... I don't have time to try and figure him out. Either tell me what's on your mind or keep it to yourself and deal with it on your own. To be quite honest, there were plenty of things he did that turned me off but you know - whatever.
So I'm having a good time. I sing a song for the birthday girl who is having a party there. Now it's time for me to go. I've had a few drinks and I know if I stay, I'll just get into trouble. This 33 year old walks out with me (mind you, he looks 22 and is cute as a freaking button).... we are talking and talking..... he asks me if I'm going to another bar. I say no. I wonder if he's hitting on me and I'm just too stupid to realize it (because you know, he just got engaged and all). Then, as I'm running to my car in the rain, I tell him "You're too freaking cute!"...... Why did I not stay?????
So I leave and I'm driving home contemplating all of it. What was a 33 year old doing in the parking lot with me? He made several comments that any normal person would construe as hitting on me, except for me..... I'm too dumb. I'm on my way home when I'm thinking what a waste that was. How the person I went there to meet turned out to be most likely a big fat zero but yet I had a 33 year old flirting with me from the second my "date" walked out the door and what did I do? A big fat NOTHING. And then it happens. The meaning of life. What is it? Why am I here? What's the purpose? FOR WHAT? Ugh. Not a good time for all that to kick in.
It was looong ride home. It was rainy and I was crying. I parked my car in the parking lot and put the seat back and sat there for a little bit. Quite frankly, I didn't really give a shit what happened at that point. And that wasn't the first thought like that I had all night. There were several times driving home that I thought it. Not good. Why? The alcohol, surely. I'm alone because I chose to be alone yet do I want to be alone? Yes. Then why do I keep going on these first dates? And what the fuck is my problem? Ah, if I only knew.
My dog is curled up in a ball next to me on the bed. That seems to be the only sure thing in my life right now. Rather.... it's usually the sure thing in my life. My boy. My Harrison. Dog is my co-pilot. Lord give me many more years with the mutt. I don't know how many more 1st dates I can weather without him by my side.
Sunday, March 18, 2012
I'm Back
With nothing to say. HA! Hmmmm, let's see..... give me an idea, what should I blog about? I got nothin'.
How about my thoughts on parent drivers? :)
How about my thoughts on parent drivers? :)
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Auto-Correct Gone Wrong
I usually take my time reading forwarded jokes.
They get a chuckle out of me and every now and again I laugh out loud,
but the email I read this morning that my mother sent me made me
cry, choke, and wake my downstairs neighbor.
I don't remember the last time I laughed so hard, for so long.
Just in case you didn't get to see it, I needed to pass it along.
This is how terribly wrong auto-correct on "smartphones" can turn out....
See if you can choose just one favorite!
They get a chuckle out of me and every now and again I laugh out loud,
but the email I read this morning that my mother sent me made me
cry, choke, and wake my downstairs neighbor.
I don't remember the last time I laughed so hard, for so long.
Just in case you didn't get to see it, I needed to pass it along.
This is how terribly wrong auto-correct on "smartphones" can turn out....
See if you can choose just one favorite!
Friday, February 10, 2012
The Dog Video That Never Gets Old
It doesn't matter how many times I see it.... it never gets old.
Enjoy and Happy Weekend, everyone!!!
The more people I meet, the more I like my dog!
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Daddy's Little Girl
That phrase is foreign to me. When I was younger it angered me quite a bit. I felt slighted. My sister and I didn't have a very nice childhood, you could say. My biological father (who I will refer to as Tom) was an alcoholic who never really wanted children. My earliest memory was sitting on my mother's lap in our kitchen and Tom was yelling. Loud. Or to a very, very small child, it was loud. He was mad. I felt the protectiveness (is that even a word?) of my mother from her drunk husband. I don't know where my sister was at the time. The thing I remember most about that particular incident is him slamming his fist down on the kitchen table so hard that the lid to the sugar bowl flew up in the air. It seemed to be suspended in mid-air, who knows how high - but it flew. And then back down again. I remember my mom putting her hand over my head. It might be the last time as a child and for a very long time, that I remember my mother being protective over me. I don't blame her, though. Tom did a number on all of us and she was no exception. Actually, the exception was, she got the brunt of him. Lord knows how she made it all those years.
Living with a drunk is.....interesting. You never know what you're going to get. Sometimes he was the angry drunk. Sometimes the funny drunk. Sometimes the loving drunk. Never the consistent drunk. I mostly remember the angry drunk. I remember him picking me up by the back of my hair when I was laying down on the floor watching TV because I didn't do something I was supposed to do. I remember him about to beat my sister because I was crying and he figured she must've made me (which was usually the case, but not that time) because I fell off our bunk beds. I remember him taking a belt to me more times than I can recall for any number of reasons. I remember my mother uttering those horrifying words "wait until your father gets home" and living in fear for the following three hours, awaiting whatever punishment was in store for me.
I think the most difficult thing about living with Tom was never knowing what I was going to come home to after school. Was he going to be happy, angry, sad? Listening to my parents fight wasn't easy, either. Not at such a young age. I'd stand in my room across the hall from theirs, crying, because mommy and daddy were fighting and I was scared. I was scared for me and I was scared for my mom. I always listened very closely because I needed to hear if he touched her. If he touched her - if he hit her..... I'd have mustered up all the courage I had and left the safety of my room and gone into theirs and.... I don't know what I'd have done, but I'd have done something. I'd have yelled at him to get his hands off her. Because that was my mother and you don't touch my mother. But he never did.
What he did do was knock over the entire china hutch with all the china and crystal in it while painting the dining room one night. He then thought it would be fun to hurl dishes across the room towards my sister, with me standing behind her. Dishes smashing everywhere. Did he really want to hit my sister? Or me? Who knows. Another memorable moment that only I got to experience was when he shot our dog in the back yard. I was the only one home at the time -me and my girlfriend. We were 12. He drank a bottle of Jack and the dog was annoying him. My sister gave that dog to my mother for Mother's Day - saved it's life. Tom took it away with three shots. I heard each one. And I heard the dog whimper with the first two. I heard nothing after the third one. I held onto my friend as we cried, scared to death. I locked my bedroom door which he came banging on shortly after. I don't know what he'd have done if it was open. He buried the dog in our backyard but the cops came and took him away to see if there was something wrong with the dog to make Tom shoot him or if the asshole was just, well, an asshole and drunk. You know what? I've been drunk before. I can't imagine in a million years shooting a dog but then again, I'm not a selfish asshole, either, so I suppose I can't even attempt to understand that one.
People swear it's a disease - alcoholism. They say it's a proven fact. Okay. So you have a "disease" and you don't choose to go get help for it. You choose the disease over your family, your children..... you know what? This post isn't actually about Tom (fooled ya', huh?) so I don't really need to even continue about how much I don't comprehend how an individual could throw away his family for anything, much less booze. Something I found odd, though, was that for so many years, I struggled with the question of forgiving and forgetting and what is the difference and what kind of person am I if I do or I don't. I mean, he was my blood, right? I had to do both, didn't I?
I disowned him for about seven years. No need to tell you the specifics- it doesn't really matter. Let's just say he didn't agree with my decision to have my step-dad give me away at my wedding. I made amends with him then... about seven months before he checked himself into a hospital and died. With nothing. And no word to me that he was even in the hospital. But I remember being so glad I made up with him before he passed. I was confused when I got the call that he was gone. I didn't know how to feel and that bothered me. I gave his eulogy. I took his ashes. I saw a therapist. I was in my mid-thirties.
It's been about ten years, give or take a few. I've figured out a lot of things since then. More than I thought I ever would in this lifetime. My mom remarried almost 28 years ago. I was 15. That means I was about 13 when Rich came into the picture. I'll never forget the first joke he made. I thought he was so funny. He was replacing a light bulb on the front porch, at night, and he asked someone to turn on a light because it was dark. Hey - I was a kid.
So I'm 13 and my sister is 16 and this 28 year old guy (my mom is a bit older than him - go ma!) starts dating my mom. He has to deal with two teenage girls. Can you imagine how hard that must've been for him? Forget about the damage Tom did to all three of us.... just stepping into that situation on its own ....talk about some baggage! He has to deal with her kids, unable to have any real say in what goes on with their upbringing (or what was left of it), teenage drama, teenage attitude, "you're not my father, you can't tell me what to do" (not from me, of course), and the lingering affects of an alcoholic ex-husband and father. I'll tell you what .... I'm not sure I'd have been able to deal with all that he did.
But he did. He supported us financially, he was there when we needed him, he taught me to drive, he bought my prom gown when Tom decided he didn't feel like paying for it right before I was ready to go pick it up, he made me take medicine that made me vomit when I tried to commit suicide and held my hair back while I puked up my guts.....
I'm going to guess at the timeline here because I have no idea when I started calling him "dad", in fact, I still don't really call him that too much. I've given him the name 'pappi'. This makes me smile. The point is, I stopped calling him Rich and started referring to him as my father quite a few years ago. Obviously, more than I can remember. At first, it was forced and awkward. It's not because he didn't deserve the title. He absolutely did. I had just called him Rich for all those years. I know it wasn't because I felt like there was some slighting toward Tom because that sure as Hell wasn't it. See... that's one of the things I figured out....as long as it took me - but sure enough - I figured it out. Now this might sound.... harsh... but I figured out under no uncertain terms that my biological father was a really big asshole and just because his sperm helped create me, he didn't deserve my love and he damn well didn't deserve to be called my father. That honor belonged to Rich. I figured out that in all those years of growing up that he could've asked to see me and spend time with me, he didn't. That he didn't care about anyone but himself and he was thoughtless and selfish and mean and nasty and fake and shallow. And I have absolutely no issues whatsoever about feeling this way. I know now, in my heart, that it's okay to feel this way. I know the difference between forgiving and forgetting and that I choose to do neither and that it doesn't really matter because he's dead and the person who matters is here. He raised me. I am his daughter. I drive like him. I have his sense of humor. I have his values and his morals.
About four years ago I asked my dad to legally adopt me. I think he was touched. He said he would. I don't want to be his step-daughter. I want to be his real daughter. I want it to be legal. He's my dad, in every sense of the word. We're still looking into it - at the time I asked him to, I lived in North Carolina. It should be a bit easier now that we're in the same state. It's not like a child adoption. In any case, that's my goal for this year - to finalize that. If his last name wasn't so frigged up, I'd take his name, too. ;)
ANYWAY..... I digress. This post was supposed to be about my dad. My pappi. And it is, really. I just had to wade through all the shit to get to the good stuff. So here's when I figured it out.... "it" being how great a man my dad really is. And it blew me away, really, because it came out of nowhere and bit me in the ass. I was working in Hell (if you follow my blog, you know exactly where that is)..... we were doing an exercise and had to name the person who most inspired us (I'm not even sure that is the correct adjective that was used but this is a long post and I'm on my 2nd glass of champagne). I immediately listed an old boss who was sort of a mentor to me). As I sat there waiting for my coworkers to finish, I thought more about it and I started thinking about my dad and all the things he's taught me and the person he is and how much I look up to him. I thought about how I never want to disappoint him and not because I'm afraid of disappointing him, but because I think he's an incredibly intelligent person with extremely good morals and standards. I thought of all the things he's done for me - all the times he's been there for me. How much he wants me to be the best person I can be. I thought of all these things and I was blown away because I never really thought of my step-dad --- the man my mother married when I was 15 years old....the man I now call my father --- as this person that means so incredibly much to me that he would be the person who inspires me the most in my life.
He is the most selfless person I know. He is honest, dedicated, funny, intelligent, generous, caring, loyal, handsome, trustworthy, hardworking, and everything good a person can be. He was a stranger my mother started dating 30 years ago. He is my family. He is my friend. He is my father. And I'm damn proud to be his daughter.
So thank you, for never once treating me like I wasn't your own flesh and blood.... like I wasn't your daughter. Thank you for accepting me and all my imperfections and for continuing to try to help me be a better person. Thank you for loving my mother so unconditionally and showing me that it is possible to find someone who will love you for exactly the person you are, regardless of the leftover scars that may never heal. Thank you for being the role model I never had in my younger years and for showing me what a father is supposed to be. I know you did it selflessly and probably thought it went unoticed. It didn't.
And thank you for not burning my pink t-shirt like I said you could.
I love you, dad.
Living with a drunk is.....interesting. You never know what you're going to get. Sometimes he was the angry drunk. Sometimes the funny drunk. Sometimes the loving drunk. Never the consistent drunk. I mostly remember the angry drunk. I remember him picking me up by the back of my hair when I was laying down on the floor watching TV because I didn't do something I was supposed to do. I remember him about to beat my sister because I was crying and he figured she must've made me (which was usually the case, but not that time) because I fell off our bunk beds. I remember him taking a belt to me more times than I can recall for any number of reasons. I remember my mother uttering those horrifying words "wait until your father gets home" and living in fear for the following three hours, awaiting whatever punishment was in store for me.
I think the most difficult thing about living with Tom was never knowing what I was going to come home to after school. Was he going to be happy, angry, sad? Listening to my parents fight wasn't easy, either. Not at such a young age. I'd stand in my room across the hall from theirs, crying, because mommy and daddy were fighting and I was scared. I was scared for me and I was scared for my mom. I always listened very closely because I needed to hear if he touched her. If he touched her - if he hit her..... I'd have mustered up all the courage I had and left the safety of my room and gone into theirs and.... I don't know what I'd have done, but I'd have done something. I'd have yelled at him to get his hands off her. Because that was my mother and you don't touch my mother. But he never did.
What he did do was knock over the entire china hutch with all the china and crystal in it while painting the dining room one night. He then thought it would be fun to hurl dishes across the room towards my sister, with me standing behind her. Dishes smashing everywhere. Did he really want to hit my sister? Or me? Who knows. Another memorable moment that only I got to experience was when he shot our dog in the back yard. I was the only one home at the time -me and my girlfriend. We were 12. He drank a bottle of Jack and the dog was annoying him. My sister gave that dog to my mother for Mother's Day - saved it's life. Tom took it away with three shots. I heard each one. And I heard the dog whimper with the first two. I heard nothing after the third one. I held onto my friend as we cried, scared to death. I locked my bedroom door which he came banging on shortly after. I don't know what he'd have done if it was open. He buried the dog in our backyard but the cops came and took him away to see if there was something wrong with the dog to make Tom shoot him or if the asshole was just, well, an asshole and drunk. You know what? I've been drunk before. I can't imagine in a million years shooting a dog but then again, I'm not a selfish asshole, either, so I suppose I can't even attempt to understand that one.
People swear it's a disease - alcoholism. They say it's a proven fact. Okay. So you have a "disease" and you don't choose to go get help for it. You choose the disease over your family, your children..... you know what? This post isn't actually about Tom (fooled ya', huh?) so I don't really need to even continue about how much I don't comprehend how an individual could throw away his family for anything, much less booze. Something I found odd, though, was that for so many years, I struggled with the question of forgiving and forgetting and what is the difference and what kind of person am I if I do or I don't. I mean, he was my blood, right? I had to do both, didn't I?
I disowned him for about seven years. No need to tell you the specifics- it doesn't really matter. Let's just say he didn't agree with my decision to have my step-dad give me away at my wedding. I made amends with him then... about seven months before he checked himself into a hospital and died. With nothing. And no word to me that he was even in the hospital. But I remember being so glad I made up with him before he passed. I was confused when I got the call that he was gone. I didn't know how to feel and that bothered me. I gave his eulogy. I took his ashes. I saw a therapist. I was in my mid-thirties.
It's been about ten years, give or take a few. I've figured out a lot of things since then. More than I thought I ever would in this lifetime. My mom remarried almost 28 years ago. I was 15. That means I was about 13 when Rich came into the picture. I'll never forget the first joke he made. I thought he was so funny. He was replacing a light bulb on the front porch, at night, and he asked someone to turn on a light because it was dark. Hey - I was a kid.
So I'm 13 and my sister is 16 and this 28 year old guy (my mom is a bit older than him - go ma!) starts dating my mom. He has to deal with two teenage girls. Can you imagine how hard that must've been for him? Forget about the damage Tom did to all three of us.... just stepping into that situation on its own ....talk about some baggage! He has to deal with her kids, unable to have any real say in what goes on with their upbringing (or what was left of it), teenage drama, teenage attitude, "you're not my father, you can't tell me what to do" (not from me, of course), and the lingering affects of an alcoholic ex-husband and father. I'll tell you what .... I'm not sure I'd have been able to deal with all that he did.
But he did. He supported us financially, he was there when we needed him, he taught me to drive, he bought my prom gown when Tom decided he didn't feel like paying for it right before I was ready to go pick it up, he made me take medicine that made me vomit when I tried to commit suicide and held my hair back while I puked up my guts.....
I'm going to guess at the timeline here because I have no idea when I started calling him "dad", in fact, I still don't really call him that too much. I've given him the name 'pappi'. This makes me smile. The point is, I stopped calling him Rich and started referring to him as my father quite a few years ago. Obviously, more than I can remember. At first, it was forced and awkward. It's not because he didn't deserve the title. He absolutely did. I had just called him Rich for all those years. I know it wasn't because I felt like there was some slighting toward Tom because that sure as Hell wasn't it. See... that's one of the things I figured out....as long as it took me - but sure enough - I figured it out. Now this might sound.... harsh... but I figured out under no uncertain terms that my biological father was a really big asshole and just because his sperm helped create me, he didn't deserve my love and he damn well didn't deserve to be called my father. That honor belonged to Rich. I figured out that in all those years of growing up that he could've asked to see me and spend time with me, he didn't. That he didn't care about anyone but himself and he was thoughtless and selfish and mean and nasty and fake and shallow. And I have absolutely no issues whatsoever about feeling this way. I know now, in my heart, that it's okay to feel this way. I know the difference between forgiving and forgetting and that I choose to do neither and that it doesn't really matter because he's dead and the person who matters is here. He raised me. I am his daughter. I drive like him. I have his sense of humor. I have his values and his morals.
About four years ago I asked my dad to legally adopt me. I think he was touched. He said he would. I don't want to be his step-daughter. I want to be his real daughter. I want it to be legal. He's my dad, in every sense of the word. We're still looking into it - at the time I asked him to, I lived in North Carolina. It should be a bit easier now that we're in the same state. It's not like a child adoption. In any case, that's my goal for this year - to finalize that. If his last name wasn't so frigged up, I'd take his name, too. ;)
ANYWAY..... I digress. This post was supposed to be about my dad. My pappi. And it is, really. I just had to wade through all the shit to get to the good stuff. So here's when I figured it out.... "it" being how great a man my dad really is. And it blew me away, really, because it came out of nowhere and bit me in the ass. I was working in Hell (if you follow my blog, you know exactly where that is)..... we were doing an exercise and had to name the person who most inspired us (I'm not even sure that is the correct adjective that was used but this is a long post and I'm on my 2nd glass of champagne). I immediately listed an old boss who was sort of a mentor to me). As I sat there waiting for my coworkers to finish, I thought more about it and I started thinking about my dad and all the things he's taught me and the person he is and how much I look up to him. I thought about how I never want to disappoint him and not because I'm afraid of disappointing him, but because I think he's an incredibly intelligent person with extremely good morals and standards. I thought of all the things he's done for me - all the times he's been there for me. How much he wants me to be the best person I can be. I thought of all these things and I was blown away because I never really thought of my step-dad --- the man my mother married when I was 15 years old....the man I now call my father --- as this person that means so incredibly much to me that he would be the person who inspires me the most in my life.
He is the most selfless person I know. He is honest, dedicated, funny, intelligent, generous, caring, loyal, handsome, trustworthy, hardworking, and everything good a person can be. He was a stranger my mother started dating 30 years ago. He is my family. He is my friend. He is my father. And I'm damn proud to be his daughter.
So thank you, for never once treating me like I wasn't your own flesh and blood.... like I wasn't your daughter. Thank you for accepting me and all my imperfections and for continuing to try to help me be a better person. Thank you for loving my mother so unconditionally and showing me that it is possible to find someone who will love you for exactly the person you are, regardless of the leftover scars that may never heal. Thank you for being the role model I never had in my younger years and for showing me what a father is supposed to be. I know you did it selflessly and probably thought it went unoticed. It didn't.
And thank you for not burning my pink t-shirt like I said you could.
I love you, dad.
Monday, February 6, 2012
Is There Anyone Out There?
If so, prove it. Make a comment. Down below, in the comments section. Tell me what you think. If you are a miserable person and you live to make others' lives as ugly as possible, then save it. I don't care what you think (you know who you are). I disabled my Facebook account because I'm tired of the stupid fucking drama. D-R-A-M-A. I'm not going to digress...... just - if you like the blog.... if you want me to keep writing, please comment. You can't tell me on Facebook now since I have no account there. So tell me here - tell me what you like or what you don't like.
I do this for me, yes, but I do it for you, as well, my few and faithful readers. And your opinion matters. I want to entertain you. I want to make you laugh. I want to make you cry. I want to make you FEEL. Something. But I need to know you're out there. And that you're reading.
:) Thanks. xoxoxoxoxo
I do this for me, yes, but I do it for you, as well, my few and faithful readers. And your opinion matters. I want to entertain you. I want to make you laugh. I want to make you cry. I want to make you FEEL. Something. But I need to know you're out there. And that you're reading.
:) Thanks. xoxoxoxoxo
Sunday, February 5, 2012
One Happy Dog (just not mine)
I saw this on another blog and loved it. I thought it was time for something light-hearted and happy.
The woman's caption said she wished everyone was as happy as this dog.
Or she'd accept even half as happy. True enough. I hope you enjoy as much as I did.
Thursday, January 26, 2012
The Joys of Online Dating -The Mother-Load
I have hit the mother-load, people. I received an email tonight, read it numerous times, and still couldn't figure out what in God's name this guy was attempting to say. I can read text talk and I can read shit lacking proper punctuation, grammar, spelling and so on, but I simply cannot read stupid.
One definition on UrbanDictionary.com states Text Talk as the following:
noun (tehxt torck) or (txt tlk):
Uses: Mobile phones and MSN Messenger.
The most annoying form of speech ever, more annoying than French. Widely ununderstandable, it abbreviates as much as possible leaving a code which only the author can decrypt. Though it does help the author write it quickly, the recipient must undergo strenuous investigation to be able to reply in an equally confusing manner until the competition of confusosity gets to such a point, that their grammatically incorrect minds explode a little more.
We have been lucky enough to have text talk leak into every day writings - instant messages, emails, notes and letters - I've even seen it used on an employment resume. Seriously people - WHAT THE FUCK??????
Sorry.... it's not my number one peeve, but it's up there. Now back to my email guy.
I went to his profile. This is what I saw:
As a cancer I didn't pick the crab but the turtle the reason is on the outside I mite be protective and private but when I peep my head out I enjoy all the things life can offer if ur a friend family member or someone I care about there's isn't anything I wouldn't do for u if I had 2 dollars to my name I would give u one however I don't trust people at first it has to be earned it takes quite a long time to no what makes people tick as a Brooklyn raised Irish itilan man I can read people pretty well and quite honest the less people in ur life the better off u are friends and family there with u to u tape the eternal dirt nap everyone else are strangers was married 12 years lost wife to breast cancer so I have learned life's about moments terribly despair makes u realize how special and precious life is so I don't waste my time on trivial matters drama or nonsense I've had the ups of ups and the downs of downs but that's life its not fair but its pretty good to and u only get one ride about myself love sports went to culinary school in Paris for 1 year love classical music theatre cooking avid reader Seinfeld maniac love erroll Flynn bogie old movies and spontaneous and outgoing people u can't plan life every minute u have to react on ur mood that's what keeps it fresh I have already had the love of my life so I don't have any expectactions but every now and then u mite meet someone who gives u a spark and a new music to ur soul so that's why I'm trying this never been on a website in my life I still believe to connect with someone is up close and personal facial expressions look in ur eyes just because u have same hobbies or interests u still have to have that instant spark I never say never there's always someone who comes along when u least expect it and truly that's how it works but that's the good thing about life sometimes it turns good the other way so on the light side I'm fun no bullsh*tbrutally honest and hey always willing to experience othe women's interests and thoughts I would hate to meet someone like me ha ha the joys of love they last a short time the pains of love last all urr life u gotta take chances sometimes so what the hell I'm trying this Humphrey Bart got it rite when he said the world is 3 drinks behind if everyone had 3 drinks it would be a losser less uptight world its not that complicated u either meet someone and there's violins or there are bongos. And PS to all u women who think all guts are bad I was with the same women for 16 years, so why did the single most important relationship other than ur family fail. It takes 2 for a good relationship or bad so if u live in a materlistic worldand are a shallow self absorbed human being that's what ull get out of life. But if u chose to look further in the depths of somebody that's were true happiness truly yes. Always rember its easy to love and be loved by someone when things are good. But how about god for bid the loss of a child a parent if u lucky to have someone there for u then u have had made the rite choice its a little deeper than u might think that's life.
That was special, wasn't it? Are you cross-eyed or just mortified? In either case.... I couldn't continue an email conversation with him even if I wanted to because I can't figure out if he's trying to insult me or compliment me!
Anyway, had to share that with someone. Why not all of you?
PS - Another 1st date tomorrow night. Been texting/talking/emailing for two weeks now. No expectations, though. Not after 1st Date #1. That unwound faster than a roll of yarn in the paws of a kitten.
One definition on UrbanDictionary.com states Text Talk as the following:
noun (tehxt torck) or (txt tlk):
Uses: Mobile phones and MSN Messenger.
The most annoying form of speech ever, more annoying than French. Widely ununderstandable, it abbreviates as much as possible leaving a code which only the author can decrypt. Though it does help the author write it quickly, the recipient must undergo strenuous investigation to be able to reply in an equally confusing manner until the competition of confusosity gets to such a point, that their grammatically incorrect minds explode a little more.
We have been lucky enough to have text talk leak into every day writings - instant messages, emails, notes and letters - I've even seen it used on an employment resume. Seriously people - WHAT THE FUCK??????
Sorry.... it's not my number one peeve, but it's up there. Now back to my email guy.
I went to his profile. This is what I saw:
As a cancer I didn't pick the crab but the turtle the reason is on the outside I mite be protective and private but when I peep my head out I enjoy all the things life can offer if ur a friend family member or someone I care about there's isn't anything I wouldn't do for u if I had 2 dollars to my name I would give u one however I don't trust people at first it has to be earned it takes quite a long time to no what makes people tick as a Brooklyn raised Irish itilan man I can read people pretty well and quite honest the less people in ur life the better off u are friends and family there with u to u tape the eternal dirt nap everyone else are strangers was married 12 years lost wife to breast cancer so I have learned life's about moments terribly despair makes u realize how special and precious life is so I don't waste my time on trivial matters drama or nonsense I've had the ups of ups and the downs of downs but that's life its not fair but its pretty good to and u only get one ride about myself love sports went to culinary school in Paris for 1 year love classical music theatre cooking avid reader Seinfeld maniac love erroll Flynn bogie old movies and spontaneous and outgoing people u can't plan life every minute u have to react on ur mood that's what keeps it fresh I have already had the love of my life so I don't have any expectactions but every now and then u mite meet someone who gives u a spark and a new music to ur soul so that's why I'm trying this never been on a website in my life I still believe to connect with someone is up close and personal facial expressions look in ur eyes just because u have same hobbies or interests u still have to have that instant spark I never say never there's always someone who comes along when u least expect it and truly that's how it works but that's the good thing about life sometimes it turns good the other way so on the light side I'm fun no bullsh*tbrutally honest and hey always willing to experience othe women's interests and thoughts I would hate to meet someone like me ha ha the joys of love they last a short time the pains of love last all urr life u gotta take chances sometimes so what the hell I'm trying this Humphrey Bart got it rite when he said the world is 3 drinks behind if everyone had 3 drinks it would be a losser less uptight world its not that complicated u either meet someone and there's violins or there are bongos. And PS to all u women who think all guts are bad I was with the same women for 16 years, so why did the single most important relationship other than ur family fail. It takes 2 for a good relationship or bad so if u live in a materlistic worldand are a shallow self absorbed human being that's what ull get out of life. But if u chose to look further in the depths of somebody that's were true happiness truly yes. Always rember its easy to love and be loved by someone when things are good. But how about god for bid the loss of a child a parent if u lucky to have someone there for u then u have had made the rite choice its a little deeper than u might think that's life.
That was special, wasn't it? Are you cross-eyed or just mortified? In either case.... I couldn't continue an email conversation with him even if I wanted to because I can't figure out if he's trying to insult me or compliment me!
Anyway, had to share that with someone. Why not all of you?
PS - Another 1st date tomorrow night. Been texting/talking/emailing for two weeks now. No expectations, though. Not after 1st Date #1. That unwound faster than a roll of yarn in the paws of a kitten.
Sunday, January 22, 2012
The Joys of Online Dating -Scene #5
Date #2
Date #2 was supposed to be the dogpark on Saturday but considering it was supposed to be below freezing, I flip flopped dinner with a good friend (which would enable me to spend more time with him) and planned dinner and a band with my online guy. I was very excited (and still giddy) to be going out later that night and thought "is this what it's like to have someone to DO things with?". Little did I know that would be short-lived.
I picked him up because his wrist was hurting from his physical therapy session and considering he drives a stick (like me), I felt for him. We went for dinner at the same place the band was playing. The good thing: I am very comfortable with him. When he takes my hand in the parking lot, I enjoy it. A good thing.
Dinner was good, conversation was good. I saw my dear friend who I haven't seen in way too long. One of the highlights of my night. I missed her so. Time for the band. They were good - interesting and different. Of course, I was ready to go home before they even went on. I am just not a "go out" kind of person. Such a deadbeat I am. My date was perceptive enough to know something was off but he mistook it for me not having a good time with him. We left after one set and I guess I was a little quiet on the ride home. When I got to his house, he kissed me on the cheek and jumped out of the car. Confusion.
I asked him about it via text and he said it was because he thought I didn't enjoy myself. We "talked" about it and I assured him it wasn't anything at all having to do with him and I thought that was that. In the week that followed things seemed strained and one-sided. I finally told him that I was going to leave him alone and if he slowed down with work and wanted to go out and do something to give me a holler and I'd be happy to but that I felt it was one-sided. No harm, no foul and no hard feelings. I never heard from him again.
Whoopadeedoo. NEXT.
Date #2 was supposed to be the dogpark on Saturday but considering it was supposed to be below freezing, I flip flopped dinner with a good friend (which would enable me to spend more time with him) and planned dinner and a band with my online guy. I was very excited (and still giddy) to be going out later that night and thought "is this what it's like to have someone to DO things with?". Little did I know that would be short-lived.
I picked him up because his wrist was hurting from his physical therapy session and considering he drives a stick (like me), I felt for him. We went for dinner at the same place the band was playing. The good thing: I am very comfortable with him. When he takes my hand in the parking lot, I enjoy it. A good thing.
Dinner was good, conversation was good. I saw my dear friend who I haven't seen in way too long. One of the highlights of my night. I missed her so. Time for the band. They were good - interesting and different. Of course, I was ready to go home before they even went on. I am just not a "go out" kind of person. Such a deadbeat I am. My date was perceptive enough to know something was off but he mistook it for me not having a good time with him. We left after one set and I guess I was a little quiet on the ride home. When I got to his house, he kissed me on the cheek and jumped out of the car. Confusion.
I asked him about it via text and he said it was because he thought I didn't enjoy myself. We "talked" about it and I assured him it wasn't anything at all having to do with him and I thought that was that. In the week that followed things seemed strained and one-sided. I finally told him that I was going to leave him alone and if he slowed down with work and wanted to go out and do something to give me a holler and I'd be happy to but that I felt it was one-sided. No harm, no foul and no hard feelings. I never heard from him again.
Whoopadeedoo. NEXT.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
The Joys of Online Dating - Scene #4
The 1st Date
We set the time for 6:30-6:45 but we didn't make it until then. I'm not sure who was more excited and can only speak for myself when I say I was pretty freakin' giddy. We met at 6:15pm. He was waiting for me beside his car in the parking lot. He looked just like his pictures. A relief. I got a big hug. Very nice.
An hour and a half later and we were still talking and laughing at our table in the corner and hadn't ordered dinner yet. He was sweet and nice and funny and quirky. He talked and he listened. He asked me questions about myself and seemed genuinely interested in hearing the answers. On occasion, he reached across the table and took my hands in his. And I let him. And just in case he wasn't making enough of a mark on me, every so often, he'd quote part of my profile. So not only did he read it, he actually remembered what it said.
We ate a couple of burgers and it was time to get going but not before we decided to take the dogs to the dog park this weekend. He walked me to my car and....
....a lady doesn't kiss and tell.
As my first husband used to say "that's no lady, that's my wife"..... so I'll just say his lips were so very soft and he was a complete gentleman which I was extremely pleased to discover because you know how much I hate the end of a 1st date!
We set the time for 6:30-6:45 but we didn't make it until then. I'm not sure who was more excited and can only speak for myself when I say I was pretty freakin' giddy. We met at 6:15pm. He was waiting for me beside his car in the parking lot. He looked just like his pictures. A relief. I got a big hug. Very nice.
An hour and a half later and we were still talking and laughing at our table in the corner and hadn't ordered dinner yet. He was sweet and nice and funny and quirky. He talked and he listened. He asked me questions about myself and seemed genuinely interested in hearing the answers. On occasion, he reached across the table and took my hands in his. And I let him. And just in case he wasn't making enough of a mark on me, every so often, he'd quote part of my profile. So not only did he read it, he actually remembered what it said.
We ate a couple of burgers and it was time to get going but not before we decided to take the dogs to the dog park this weekend. He walked me to my car and....
....a lady doesn't kiss and tell.
As my first husband used to say "that's no lady, that's my wife"..... so I'll just say his lips were so very soft and he was a complete gentleman which I was extremely pleased to discover because you know how much I hate the end of a 1st date!
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
The Joys of Online Dating -Scene #3
I've got a date. I know - scary. What's even scarier is that I haven't canceled it yet. Anyone who knows me knows I cancel all first dates by the time the day of the date rolls around. Five hours and counting. And there's not a chance in Hell I'm canceling this one.
He emailed me on Monday (as in, two days ago). He sent only two sentences which would normally not sit well with me. He asked that I write back. Then he wrote "pretty please" in caps. How could I not? His profile read well, his pictures looked good (hard to see but for one), he had things to say, I LIKED what he said, he was close by..... I'm sure there's something wrong with him, I thought.
I logged onto the dating site in hopes to find him there. I wanted to chat with seemingly Mr. Perfect-For-Me. He wasn't on. I futzed around doing other things. As I was about to log off, I saw him. I IM'd him. Connection. We chatted for about 30 minutes. He seemed as good as his profile. Okay. Caution. He asked me to call him. You know I hate the phone. I called. An hour and a half (or so - I lost track of time) we hung up. I think I smiled most of the conversation. He wanted to meet me. I wanted the same.
The next day I talked to him during my entire lunch hour. When could he see me? When did he want to meet, I asked. "A half hour ago" he said. Big smile. Damn - he keeps saying the right things. The following night. He picked the place.
Each time we talk, email, or text, we find more we think alike or have in common. It's downright eerie. Tonight will be interesting, to say the least. All I know is I haven't been looking forward to a date this much in I don't know how long. My guess would be John, dare I speak the name? I'd say my golden rule of not getting my hopes up is still intact but I'd by lying through myteeth fingers.
Did I mention he has a black lab?
He emailed me on Monday (as in, two days ago). He sent only two sentences which would normally not sit well with me. He asked that I write back. Then he wrote "pretty please" in caps. How could I not? His profile read well, his pictures looked good (hard to see but for one), he had things to say, I LIKED what he said, he was close by..... I'm sure there's something wrong with him, I thought.
I logged onto the dating site in hopes to find him there. I wanted to chat with seemingly Mr. Perfect-For-Me. He wasn't on. I futzed around doing other things. As I was about to log off, I saw him. I IM'd him. Connection. We chatted for about 30 minutes. He seemed as good as his profile. Okay. Caution. He asked me to call him. You know I hate the phone. I called. An hour and a half (or so - I lost track of time) we hung up. I think I smiled most of the conversation. He wanted to meet me. I wanted the same.
The next day I talked to him during my entire lunch hour. When could he see me? When did he want to meet, I asked. "A half hour ago" he said. Big smile. Damn - he keeps saying the right things. The following night. He picked the place.
Each time we talk, email, or text, we find more we think alike or have in common. It's downright eerie. Tonight will be interesting, to say the least. All I know is I haven't been looking forward to a date this much in I don't know how long. My guess would be John, dare I speak the name? I'd say my golden rule of not getting my hopes up is still intact but I'd by lying through my
Did I mention he has a black lab?
Monday, January 9, 2012
The Joys of Online Dating -Scene #2
Sexyman0012 from Thailand is "looking long term relationship" and "if I don't mind can we know each other more?" Yes, you read right - THAILAND (Oh, did you have a hard time making out what he wrote? Welcome to my world.). I live in the good ole' US of A. This is not the first out-of-the-country request I've gotten to get to know me. At first I thought out of state emails were.... questionable. Pennsylvania, okay. We're neighbors and Easton is only a 45 minute drive. California? Um, maybe not.
So now the Thailand email comes. I reply asking him how he thinks a long term relationship will work from Thailand to the United States. I tell him I don't think it will work out well so I'm sorry, but we can't "know each other more."
His reply:
"dear just easy t think if you are looking honest man am here relationship work with heart not with countrys honey if you change yours mind email me thanks"
Now I'm all for letting my heart take the lead sometimes and all that other mushy shit but relationships work with the heart, not with countries? I'm going to have to disagree with that one. I'd at least like to see my man, say, once a week?!?! The once a year thing might be a bit hard for me to work around.
Do you think if someone asked him what his requirements were for a girlfriend, his answer would be "a passport"?
So now the Thailand email comes. I reply asking him how he thinks a long term relationship will work from Thailand to the United States. I tell him I don't think it will work out well so I'm sorry, but we can't "know each other more."
His reply:
"dear just easy t think if you are looking honest man am here relationship work with heart not with countrys honey if you change yours mind email me thanks"
Now I'm all for letting my heart take the lead sometimes and all that other mushy shit but relationships work with the heart, not with countries? I'm going to have to disagree with that one. I'd at least like to see my man, say, once a week?!?! The once a year thing might be a bit hard for me to work around.
Do you think if someone asked him what his requirements were for a girlfriend, his answer would be "a passport"?
Sunday, January 8, 2012
The Joys of Online Dating
Before I knew it, shortly after the new year rang in, I found myself reactivating my profile on PlentyOfFish.com. Perhaps because I believe that you never know where, when, or how you will find love. Perhaps because I'm a glutton for punishment. I either case, I've decided to blog about the entertaining people who are contacting me on this site. First, though, I think I should print my profile for you so you know exactly what these people are reading (if they are reading at all). My profile reads as follows:
Interests:
About Me:
First Date:
You decide. Just tell me how to dress - jeans and a sweatshirt for the dog park or heels and a dress for dinner. I like a decisive man so he should make that decision if he's going to ask me out. I'm pretty easy in this area - I am comfortable staying in, going out, at the dog park, at the corner dive, at a five star restaurant - I can fit in anywhere.
(the pictures posted here are the photos on my profile)
That's it.
About 15 minutes ago I received an invitation to chat from HelloLadies21 located somewhere near Levittown, PA. His opening line: "your sexy"
I asked him where he was located (I believe he listed a county in PA).... he said about 45 minutes from me. Trying to locate his distance on Bingmaps so I could politely tell him he was too far from me (I just wasn't interested, period - not with someone who starts a conversation with someone they've never even spoken to with "your sexy"), I asked him if he was near Levittown. He answered yes and I commented that I used to have family there.
He said "you coming to see me?"
I answered "that would be a no."
He said "I'm trying."
I asked if he was trying and he said yes. I asked him if an opening line of "your sexy" usually worked for him. He said it sometimes did. I asked for who - women who want to get laid? He laughed.
As I'm about to tell him I'm not interested because he's located too far from me, he writes "your eyes say your a devil in bed. are you?"
I asked if he read my profile or just looked at the pictures.
He said "both."
I answered "what part about this was confusing to you?: (sexual questions will not be answered, so save it). If I wanted a FWB situation, I'd have joined the appropriate website."
He answered "I ignore it."
At that point I said "There you go. Bye."
Before I could sign out of the chat session, I was lucky enough to see his response.
It read "Later WHORE."
Now this does not surprise me. What I find amusing is that this person apparently likes whores, because before I said goodbye, he was all about wanting to meet me. OR, did I suddenly become a whore because I was not interested in him? AND... if that's the case, I find that amusing because I was being the exact opposite of an actual whore. Now had he called me a bitch, that would be more appropriate (even though I was quite nice to him). You get my point.
This was not the first amusing contact I've had with the opposite sex. This is just the most recent.
Comments anyone?
PS - my dog lays sleeping at my feet. My constant and loyal companion. The only real unconditional love I have ever known from the male species.
Interests:(these ares listed in 3 columns and is simply a list of likes/interests)
Singing, music, Dahlias, drums, photography, the smell of fresh cut grass, big dogs, the beach at dusk, boats, the river, ping-pong, presents, shooting pool, movies, dining out, my family, surprises, making Italian dishes, four-wheeling, champagne, small towns, cat's bellies, Halloween, hats, hot baths, Christmas lights, ghosts, stick shifts, big sweatshirts, pit bulls, green eyes, rainy day naps, pony tails, paw prints, trying things I've never done, live music, not beating around the bush, strawberries, German shepherds, dominance, saying what you feel, Jimmy Buffett, quoting stupid movies, long passionate kisses
About Me:There are only two things I can think of that will immediately halt our communications almost immediately:
1. You do not like dogs.
2. You think there is something wrong with same sex relationships.
2. You think there is something wrong with same sex relationships.
Other than that, I don't care what kind of politics you like, what you drive, where you work, what you did in your past, who you dated..... if we connect and there is chemistry - that's what is important. If you get me and we click - that's what's important. If you are nice to waitresses and hold doors for strangers - that's what's important.
I'm not going to write a big, long story here, describing myself to the world wide Internet. If you're interested in getting to know me, feel free to send me a message with whatever you'd like to know (sexual questions will not be answered, so save it). If I wanted a FWB situation, I'd have joined the appropriate website.
What I will tell you is that I am happy with where I am at this point in my life. I have no regrets... my past has helped me become who I am today and I like that person. I believe that in this short life we're given, it's not about the hand we're dealt, but how we play it. I have a job I love, a roof over my head, no debt and bills that are paid on time, a dog I adore and family that I enjoy spending time with. I am an eternal optimist and a big goofball. I love people and can (and often do) talk to strangers, yet at the same time, people bug the shit out of me probably because I have a low tolerance for stupidity and helplessness (I can explain that further if we ever meet - it's not as bad as it maybe sounds). LOL. I'm going to leave it there. Thanks for stopping by. Happy New Year!
First Date:
You decide. Just tell me how to dress - jeans and a sweatshirt for the dog park or heels and a dress for dinner. I like a decisive man so he should make that decision if he's going to ask me out. I'm pretty easy in this area - I am comfortable staying in, going out, at the dog park, at the corner dive, at a five star restaurant - I can fit in anywhere.
(the pictures posted here are the photos on my profile)
That's it.
About 15 minutes ago I received an invitation to chat from HelloLadies21 located somewhere near Levittown, PA. His opening line: "your sexy"
I asked him where he was located (I believe he listed a county in PA).... he said about 45 minutes from me. Trying to locate his distance on Bingmaps so I could politely tell him he was too far from me (I just wasn't interested, period - not with someone who starts a conversation with someone they've never even spoken to with "your sexy"), I asked him if he was near Levittown. He answered yes and I commented that I used to have family there.
He said "you coming to see me?"
I answered "that would be a no."
He said "I'm trying."
I asked if he was trying and he said yes. I asked him if an opening line of "your sexy" usually worked for him. He said it sometimes did. I asked for who - women who want to get laid? He laughed.
As I'm about to tell him I'm not interested because he's located too far from me, he writes "your eyes say your a devil in bed. are you?"
I asked if he read my profile or just looked at the pictures.
He said "both."
I answered "what part about this was confusing to you?: (sexual questions will not be answered, so save it). If I wanted a FWB situation, I'd have joined the appropriate website."
He answered "I ignore it."
At that point I said "There you go. Bye."
Before I could sign out of the chat session, I was lucky enough to see his response.
It read "Later WHORE."
Now this does not surprise me. What I find amusing is that this person apparently likes whores, because before I said goodbye, he was all about wanting to meet me. OR, did I suddenly become a whore because I was not interested in him? AND... if that's the case, I find that amusing because I was being the exact opposite of an actual whore. Now had he called me a bitch, that would be more appropriate (even though I was quite nice to him). You get my point.
This was not the first amusing contact I've had with the opposite sex. This is just the most recent.
Comments anyone?
PS - my dog lays sleeping at my feet. My constant and loyal companion. The only real unconditional love I have ever known from the male species.
Friday, January 6, 2012
Another New Year
Another year has come and gone. I will say it was a better year than the previous one. 2011 found me out of my parents house and in my own apartment, out of Hell (the worst job I think I ever had) and at a company I love, broken up with someone I could've fallen in love with - wait - that's not good. Well.... two out of three ain't bad. The job was probably the most important of the three. My livlihood? Yeah, I'd say so. Kind of ironic that working for a health and wellness center made me sick to my stomach, not to mention having more ailments than ever! Why is that? Oh, because the people running the place were (are) assholes? Yes, that's right. Seven months after I'm gone and there are about 5 people left there that were employed when I was there. Pretty pathetic. Karma certainly has it's work cut out with those two morons, that's for sure. I think the best very well could've been when the supposed owner (I say supposed, because she is a pathological liar so you never really knew what was true or not) emailed me the entire company's paystubs by mistake. This, from someone who didn't make mistakes. Don't get me started.
So, it's time, once again, for our resolutions. Good intentions. Shit that won't last. One of mine is to be nicer to a good friend of mine. One of my coworker said I should be nicer to my coworkers. Hmmm.... NAH! My coworkers should stop being lazy and do some work and then I'll be nicer. I didn't bother resolving to stop saying fuck. That doesn't usually last more than about 12 hours into the New Year. What else? To start an IRA. That I intend to do. Anything else? I don't think so. I don't want to overdo it. Oh..... 2012 found me posting a profile on PlentyOfFish.com. Because OKCupid wasn't enough torture, I suppose. Free dating sites. Let's all the crazies sign up.
Oh.... three days before 2011 ended, my dear friend, Rob, set me off good enough for me to have no interest in speaking with him for an indefinite amount of time. That does not happen often. It's January 6 and I still haven't spoken to him (or emailed, texted, IM'd or any other form of communication). I'm sure the reply email I sent him in response to the one that pissed me off so much pissed him off pretty good, as well, leaving him no interest in speaking to me. Two wrongs don't make a right, but I was just letting him know how I felt. Pretty fucking mad and insulted. I think he knows now.
That's all for now. Until next time, my few and faithful readers.....
So, it's time, once again, for our resolutions. Good intentions. Shit that won't last. One of mine is to be nicer to a good friend of mine. One of my coworker said I should be nicer to my coworkers. Hmmm.... NAH! My coworkers should stop being lazy and do some work and then I'll be nicer. I didn't bother resolving to stop saying fuck. That doesn't usually last more than about 12 hours into the New Year. What else? To start an IRA. That I intend to do. Anything else? I don't think so. I don't want to overdo it. Oh..... 2012 found me posting a profile on PlentyOfFish.com. Because OKCupid wasn't enough torture, I suppose. Free dating sites. Let's all the crazies sign up.
Oh.... three days before 2011 ended, my dear friend, Rob, set me off good enough for me to have no interest in speaking with him for an indefinite amount of time. That does not happen often. It's January 6 and I still haven't spoken to him (or emailed, texted, IM'd or any other form of communication). I'm sure the reply email I sent him in response to the one that pissed me off so much pissed him off pretty good, as well, leaving him no interest in speaking to me. Two wrongs don't make a right, but I was just letting him know how I felt. Pretty fucking mad and insulted. I think he knows now.
That's all for now. Until next time, my few and faithful readers.....
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