Happy 10th Birthday, Dog

Dog Is My Co-Pilot.... and he turns 10 today.  I don't know where the time goes and I can't believe he's been with me for 10 years but I'm grateful for every day he's been in my life.  I can only hope for many more, as I can't imagine life without the unconditional love of this walking ball of fur.

He knows all my secrets, has seen me at my worst, loved me at my best, played the fool when I needed to laugh, kept me warm on nights too cold, and been my reason for living when I felt I couldn't go on. 

I only hope I can be all for him that he's been for me and continue to give him the best life for each precious day I have left with him.  I cherish them all.

My heart is full because of you, 

Harrison Buffett.  You rescued me more than I could've ever rescued you.  xoxoxoxox

 “He is my other eyes that can see above the clouds; my other ears that hear above the winds. He is the part of me that can reach out into the sea. He has told me a thousand times over that I am his reason for being; by the way he rests against my leg; by the way he thumps his tail at my smallest smile; by the way he shows his hurt when I leave without taking him. (I think it makes him sick with worry when he is not along to care for me.) When I am wrong, he is delighted to forgive. When I am angry, he clowns to make me smile. When I am happy, he is job abounded. When I am a fool, he ignores it. When I succeed, he brags. Without him, I am only another man. With him, I am all-powerful. He is loyalty itself. He has taught me the meaning of devotion. With him, I know a secret comfort and a private peace. He has brought me understanding where before I was ignorant. His head on my knee can heal my human hurts. His presence by my side is protection against my fears of dark and unknown things. He has promised to wait for me… whenever… wherever – in case I need him. And I expect I will – as I always have. He is just my dog.”   ~Gene Hill

To My Loving Dog....

To my loving dog who I could not bear the thought of living without,

Please stop feeling the absolute need to lay directly beneath wherever I am sitting in fear that you might miss something because on the very rare occasion that I get up and don't look for you (like earlier today), I will step on you and you will become startled and jump to your feet which will cause my legs to get entangled in all four of your legs and your body, which will ultimately cause me to lose my balance completely and fall to the floor, hitting it's surface very hard because I am not a skinny little bitch anymore.  Whichever part of my overweight body hits the floor first will undoubtedly bruise and most likely hurt for the following week.  Being completely out of shape and another year older tomorrow, it is no doubt that I will also tweak something in my back and in about 3 hours, that will start to ache as well. 

In closing, my dear dog, I love you more than anything in this world, but you really gotta cut that shit out!

-Your human

Is There Anyone Out There?

If so, prove it.  Make a comment.  Down below, in the comments section.  Tell me what you think.  If you are a miserable person and you live to make others' lives as ugly as possible, then save it.  I don't care what you think (you know who you are).  I disabled my Facebook account because I'm tired of the stupid fucking drama.  D-R-A-M-A.  I'm not going to digress...... just - if you like the blog.... if you want me to keep writing, please comment.  You can't tell me on Facebook now since I have no account there.  So tell me here - tell me what you like or what you don't like. 

I do this for me, yes, but I do it for you, as well, my few and faithful readers.  And your opinion matters.  I want to entertain you.  I want to make you laugh.  I want to make you cry.  I want to make you FEEL.  Something.  But I need to know you're out there.  And that you're reading.

:)  Thanks.  xoxoxoxoxo

That's What Friends Are For (or are they?)

I've had many friends throughout my life. Of course, my idea of what a friend is has changed many times over the years. I guess that's normal as we get older and wiser. When I was a child, I thought my best friend then would always be my best friend. I didn't know any better. Who am I kidding, even as a young adult, after having quite a few "best friends" I thought the one I had at that point in time was going to be it until I got old and gray. This is the part of me that is forever optimistic and always seeing the good in people. At 42 I still hold on to that shit (even though I call it shit) and believe it always works out the way it is supposed to (which is supposed to be good) and people, deep down, will do the right thing. Shit, right? Yeah, well, I didn't say it was accurate, I just said I still hang on to it.

  

Anyway....I read something once early on - a poem or some such thing. I just looked it up (gotta love the Internet) - it was the Reason, Season and Lifetime friend poem and it said people either come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Some of it is hokey but some of it made a whole lot of sense to me. It made me understand why friends come and go. Or maybe it just gave me a reason to believe why they went. Because sometimes I just didn't understand. I started to think my expectations were too high.  Or maybe there was something wrong with me. Or maybe I didn't deserve friends who stayed. 

I like to think that people do come into your life for a reason and you may not know what that is until quite some time down the road because it hurts when they go, but eventually, you do figure it out. Some of my friends now are text friends. Some are shopping friends. Some are hang out and have a beer friends. And some.... very few.... would drive an hour, at three in the morning to come and pick me up if I called them because I needed a ride. Those people.... they are my friends. If you're lucky, you get a few of those in your life and you hang on to them. I've never been one of those people, though, who had a friend like that since kindergarten or grammar school or even high school. I always envied people who had that and wished I did.

What I do have is one friend who I've known since 1988. He is, by far, the person I've known the longest and am still extremely close with. He is and always has been, my soul mate. He knows me inside and out. He can look at me and know what I'm thinking. I hardly see him anymore but I bet he can still finish my sentences. He understands me and who I really am and what makes me tic. He understood me, I think, before I even did. And the really cool part? He accepts me for exactly who I am - faults and all (and I have a lot)!

SO.... why am I not with him you might be wondering? Good question (my first band). We'd probably kill each other.  I love him. I need him. We just can't be with each other.  I tried. I really did. I dated him.... slept with him, even. Several times. I tried everything I could think of to MAKE myself feel that way about him. But you know what 'they' say? You can't make the heart love somebody. I can tell you exactly how true that statement is because I tried so very hard. I knew if I married that man, he would make me happy for the rest of my life or do whatever was in his power to try. But I didn't. I couldn't. It wasn't fair. So 23 years later he's miserable and I'm alone.

I've dated all the wrong men.  Men who didn't care about me. One who mentally, emotionally and physically abused me. One who verbally belittled me every chance he got. One who only cared about his work. Oh, there were many. They weren't all bad. They just didn't work out for one reason or another. But there was always him. My friend. The one who knew the real me. The one no one else knew or tried to know. Not even my husbands. And you know what's funny? After two failed marriages and many relationships, the one thing I've come to realize is that at the end of the day, I want someone I can call my best friend. The one who I know, no matter what.... in good times and bad, in sickness and in health, through richer or poorer - loves me. The real me. Not the picture of somebody he was hoping I might be. I want a friend.

I wonder if I'll ever find that.  I know I'll keep looking.  Or not looking (isn't that when it finds you?)  The one thing I know for sure is that I will always have my dear friend. And that, I cherish.