The Joys of Online Dating -The Mother-Load

I have hit the mother-load, people.  I received an email tonight, read it numerous times, and still couldn't figure out what in God's name this guy was attempting to say.  I can read text talk and I can read shit lacking proper punctuation, grammar, spelling and so on, but I simply cannot read stupid.

One definition on UrbanDictionary.com states Text Talk as the following:

noun (tehxt torck) or (txt tlk):
Uses: Mobile phones and MSN Messenger.
The most annoying form of speech ever, more annoying than French. Widely ununderstandable, it abbreviates as much as possible leaving a code which only the author can decrypt. Though it does help the author write it quickly, the recipient must undergo strenuous investigation to be able to reply in an equally confusing manner until the competition of confusosity gets to such a point, that their grammatically incorrect minds explode a little more.

We have been lucky enough to have text talk leak into every day writings - instant messages, emails, notes and letters - I've even seen it used on an employment resume.  Seriously people - WHAT THE FUCK??????

Sorry.... it's not my number one peeve, but it's up there.  Now back to my email guy.

I went to his profile.  This is what I saw:

As a cancer I didn't pick the crab but the turtle the reason is on the outside I mite be protective and private but when I peep my head out I enjoy all the things life can offer if ur a friend family member or someone I care about there's isn't anything I wouldn't do for u if I had 2 dollars to my name I would give u one however I don't trust people at first it has to be earned it takes quite a long time to no what makes people tick as a Brooklyn raised Irish itilan man I can read people pretty well and quite honest the less people in ur life the better off u are friends and family there with u to u tape the eternal dirt nap everyone else are strangers was married 12 years lost wife to breast cancer so I have learned life's about moments terribly despair makes u realize how special and precious life is so I don't waste my time on trivial matters drama or nonsense I've had the ups of ups and the downs of downs but that's life its not fair but its pretty good to and u only get one ride about myself love sports went to culinary school in Paris for 1 year love classical music theatre cooking avid reader Seinfeld maniac love erroll Flynn bogie old movies and spontaneous and outgoing people u can't plan life every minute u have to react on ur mood that's what keeps it fresh I have already had the love of my life so I don't have any expectactions but every now and then u mite meet someone who gives u a spark and a new music to ur soul so that's why I'm trying this never been on a website in my life I still believe to connect with someone is up close and personal facial expressions look in ur eyes just because u have same hobbies or interests u still have to have that instant spark I never say never there's always someone who comes along when u least expect it and truly that's how it works but that's the good thing about life sometimes it turns good the other way so on the light side I'm fun no bullsh*tbrutally honest and hey always willing to experience othe women's interests and thoughts I would hate to meet someone like me ha ha the joys of love they last a short time the pains of love last all urr life u gotta take chances sometimes so what the hell I'm trying this Humphrey Bart got it rite when he said the world is 3 drinks behind if everyone had 3 drinks it would be a losser less uptight world its not that complicated u either meet someone and there's violins or there are bongos. And PS to all u women who think all guts are bad I was with the same women for 16 years, so why did the single most important relationship other than ur family fail. It takes 2 for a good relationship or bad so if u live in a materlistic worldand are a shallow self absorbed human being that's what ull get out of life. But if u chose to look further in the depths of somebody that's were true happiness truly yes. Always rember its easy to love and be loved by someone when things are good. But how about god for bid the loss of a child a parent if u lucky to have someone there for u then u have had made the rite choice its a little deeper than u might think that's life.


That was special, wasn't it?  Are you cross-eyed or just mortified?  In either case.... I couldn't continue an email conversation with him even if I wanted to because I can't figure out if he's trying to insult me or compliment me!

Anyway, had to share that with someone.  Why not all of you? 

PS - Another 1st date tomorrow night.  Been texting/talking/emailing for two weeks now.  No expectations, though.  Not after 1st Date #1.  That unwound faster than a roll of yarn in the paws of a kitten.